


Our Time Together

by thotcurse



Series: SONG FICS :: BBS [1]
Category: Banana Bus Squad, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, LMAO IDK HOW TO TAG, M/M, This is my first work, no happy ending for ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thotcurse/pseuds/thotcurse
Summary: Uh its moohm and its angst and this is my first ficIts based off the song Our Time Together by Ivan B





	Our Time Together

 

_And maybe someday it's me and you_  
_But right now I can't seem to feel it too_  
_Lately, all I know is you're running through my mind_  
_I know it hurts, it's just not our time_

People like to say, "Everything happens for a reason," but right now, Ryan can't seem to make sense of that saying. He also couldn't make sense as to why everyone who has heard his sob story, would repeat those words to him. Normally, Ryan would agree with the other person so conflict wouldn't arise and so he could move time forward; whether that involved him alive and well or six feet in the grave. He just had to judge life as it came, only then will things go back to normal. This, of course, was before he met his weakness. He believed that he was done with the whole "hopeless romantic" act, but apparently not. That one boy. That one boy was the sole reason as to why he kept trying so hard to get back on his feet. Even after everything that has happened, he keeps trying, yet it was easier said than done.

 _I'm used to it all_  
_I'm used to finding someone, then go losing it all_  
_Tell 'em that I'm fine, don't you worry at all_  
_Pick up my phone at 1:00 AM, and now I'm sending a call_  
_Caring less and less around me, all my time has been around you_  
_Let you in when you told me not to, held your hand, I said, "I got you"_

He remembers it all. Remembers all the little minuscule movements in his mind and he wished he could forget it like he has done with past relationships. He didn't know what made him so special. From the outside, the male was like any other he has met over the years of dating, even though he wasn’t out of the closet till he moved out of his house, out of fear of being kicked out without somewhere to land his feet on. His life hasn’t been the easiest when it comes to love. He was the one that used to believe that when you find the one, you know, but after years of thinking that everyone he dated was the one, it has gotten to the point where that he dated someone and maybe a few months later, they were gone, just like the last one was.

He first found out when he met a male by the name of Luke and man did his poor little heart fall for the truck loving male. But that was all it was, a crush because at the time, he was dating a girl and ever since then, they have been together and that left Ryan alone, like he was in the first place but to him at the moment, it was crushing because he thought maybe he had a chance but he learned to stay as friends, though they weren’t that close to begin with. That was the first lesson he learned the hard way; never fall in love with someone you don’t know, it leads to heartbreak most of the time.

When he got used to the fact that he was gay, he went and made friends, with a lot of them met at bars due to the fact that was the easiest way. He met a younger male, maybe a year younger, but it wasn’t the happy ending he expected. He thought since they have known each other for almost a year now, that it was okay to ask the male. He said yes and Ryan couldn’t have been happier but now he had someone to looked forward with, to have and share a future with, and everything he could have dreamed of, but not all pretty faces are what they seem. He found the cat loving male with a girl a month into the relationship, but he didn't say anything, he just turned around and acted like he didn't see anything. The next day, he had multiple calls from his now ex but he didn't return home until he was 100 percent sure that Bryce was out to go and pack his things. He learned from this relationship was to never fully give someone you heart, they will crush it when you least expect it.

Now Ryan was used to a one night stand and a quick fling but other than that, he wasn’t fully committed to a relationship that’s romantic. It was normal that he was focused on friends and his job and after that, he wasn’t really that worried about anything dating-wise. If someone was meant for him and he to them then he would have already found them but he hasn’t and he wasn’t getting any young.

Though, from time to time, he’s heart aches because he wishes he had some and it keeps him up at night, wondering why he wasn’t good enough for anyone, why he was such an unlovable person. His friends tell him otherwise but it’s one thing to say and it’s another thing to prove it and he was the proof and not just empty promises.

_Ocean in your eyes, I've been lost at sea_  
_Drowning in my thoughts, it was you and me_

It was new years day when he first met the dark brown eyed male, making the previously closed heart male feel like he was back in highschool with his first ever crush. Just everything about the guy gave off the vibe ‘hey, I’m the one’ to Ryan and being the fool he was, he forgot about everything he learned the past years for someone he had a hunch about, acting a fool and looking back at it, he should have known better than to go in head first into love again.

 _And I can't seem to find a single silver lining_  
_Tell you that I'm fine, I'm lying, a heart will never wait for time_

To him, he lied when someone asked him if he was alright because it was better to burden everyone with his problems or he was trying to deny the fact that he wasn’t okay, that he wanted everything, his whole life, to be okay but he knew it wasn’t that way for him, he was meant to be alone forever. Ryan wasn’t too terribly worried about that though, yeah he wished he had someone to hold but he rather lies to them, and to himself than to let it all worry about something that problem didn’t exist.

Or so he thought.

That was all pushed away with the dark eyed guy, and he just couldn’t wait anymore, he had to take his shot.

 _And don't you get it? There's a reason I met you_  
_You don't think that I get you?_

Funny how a simple ‘hello’ can go such a long way when everyone takes the little word for granted. Ryan wasn’t one to just hit on someone out of nowhere but babyface just was begging him to come over. Now they are sparking up a conversation about some little problem that seemed to fade away as they got to know each other. He knew they were meant to be, that they met for a reason. It isn’t every day that you get the feeling that you meet someone and think ‘finally, my soulmate’ (unless you are a young or a helpless romantic).

Fast forward to present day, Ryan was trying to make sense as to why Brock is denying everything they feel for each other. Ryan wasn’t one to get mad or overly emotional but he couldn’t help but fight for the one thing in his life that made him happy, for Brock. He didn’t understand why the other wouldn’t just leave his then boyfriend, who Brock didn’t have feelings for if he knew that he felt something for Ryan.

_Ask me why I'm trying, 'cause I think that you're special_  
_Embedded in my mind, only you, nobody else_  
_So many times you said there's somebody else_  
_But you still picked up my calls, you still replied to my texts_

“Ryan! Just drop it!” Brock yelled out at him, Ryan looked at Brock, conflicted before he kept going with the previous argument they were having “I can’t just let you go, Brock, I refuse to. I’ll keep on trying to win you over until i get you” Ryan was pouring everything he had into this one conversation but he was drawn out of what he was going to say when he saw Brock sit down, looking into his lap, like he always did when he had a rough day, something that Ryan would normally walk over to him and just comfort the tired one with a simple back rub but he was caught off guard when he heard four, barely audible words. “Why are you trying?” he asked and without missing a beat, the taller of the two answered. “Because I know that I was put through a lot because you are the one. You are always in my mind-” but the other interrupted “But I’m not, I have my own love, I can’t do that to him” Ryan frowned before inhaling and he kept talking “Then why do you keep talking to me? You know that I love you but you still say it back, maybe with more emotion than me when I say it sometimes. So tell me, do you not feel anything for me?” Somewhere in between that little speech, Brock looked back up at Ryan, know he was right but he couldn’t do it, not to his loving soon to be husband. “I can’t…”

 _I went and made you song, you said it made you a mess_  
_'Cause the cracks in your heart, it looked just like mine_  
_You and I were broken around the same time_  
_Beautiful smile with all the pain in your eyes_  
_You have a love so deep, you trust the wrong guys_  
_And I understand it more than anyone_  
_You're not looking for connection with just anyone_  
_What if I told you that I'm the better one?_  
_Spilling all my heart and I'ma let it run_

Just because they never talked about it with so much intensity like they did that night, Ryan kept on trying, he was persistent. He made little poems, poured his everything, the pain, love, and sorrow he had into them. He had sent them on the doorstep, knowing that Brock would be home first before Brian, and that night he got a phone call from an angered Brock, saying that Ryan couldn’t be doing this but all Ryan said was “So what do you think?” and that’s all it took for Brock to break down. “This isn’t fair. I told you everything and you use it on me to make me a mess-” Ryan gave a sour laugh at then before he cut in “Brock, read it again, those are my exprerices. I’m not other guys that told you to trust them and stab you in the back. I understand what you been through and what you are looking for’ he stopped to quit rambling and inhaled quietly before talking in a quiet voice “I’m the one, the better one. I’m leaving it at that”

_My mind is saying, "Leave you", but my heart says, "No"_  
_You made your choice, but I can't seem to let go_  
_Thinking of your voice in a world so cold_  
_I'm breaking down now, but I won't let it show_  
_And even if I'm crazy, doesn't mean that I'm wrong_  
_Wonder what you're thinking as you listen to this song_  
_I've been lost in my mind, but I'ma tell you I'm fine_  
_But what's the point of “The One” if you find 'em at the wrong time, like_

That night, he cried. He cried till he couldn’t because he wasn’t ready to face that he’s fighting a battle already lost, Brian has proposed and he was meant to be at the wedding and he knew that no matter how much he wished that it was him, he would be there for Brock. But he refused to go to the bachelors party because he knew he was going to do something he would regret and he already lost Brock one way, he can’t lose him as a friend. He is holding onto a life line and it was connected to the one and only dark eyed love interest he seemed to be infatuated with. But that night, the night he let himself feel what he has been holding in, all pent up, he was hoping that Brock would come and save him from all this pain, but that day is never going to come.

_I can tell you've been crying, let me shoulder your pain_  
_You're looking at me funny, do you know what you're saying?_

Ryan wished that he wouldn’t push Brock to his limit but that was the only he would get the truth. He is now the cause of why Brock was close to tears, all because Ryan didn’t know when to stop but he needed the truth because he knew that at the end of all this, he is going to be alone and Brock will have his husband to go back to. _"Ryan this isn't a game, I can't be feeling the same. I told you not to fight for anything, there's nothing to gain and now things are harder, 'cause I'm feeling it too."_ Brock was looking ashamed and he didn’t, more like refused, to meet eyes with Ryan as he kept going, for his and the other’s sake

 _"There was a wall for a reason, why'd you go and break through? Then you made me a poem and it's been all in my mind. I know you're lying every time when you tell me you're fine."_ The scene has changed since the first sentence. Brock already had tears streaming down his face and it was clear that he wished that maybe, just maybe, in a different timeline, he would be with Ryan, someone he felt that completed him as much as Brian did, maybe more, but Brock has a commitment, he was now married to Brian, he can’t just leave him.

 _"I met this guy before I met you. Put my trust in him before I met you. I got attached to him before I met you. Now you're on my mind ever since I met you, but what can I do?"_ Brian was looking back at Ryan, in what Ryan could only describe as pure heart break. What he sees is a man who is torn, who wants to make everyone happy but he knows he can’t. Though the male stayed quiet knowing the question was one that Brock was asking himself more than asking the other.

 _"'Cause I don't think that you're getting it, a few months earlier with you and maybe this would be different. Maybe you do really get me and that's the thing that upsets me. I want him, I'm in your mind, so it's best you forget me"_ That last part pained Ryan. He wanted Brock so much that he didn’t think about how it could be affecting him. How much pressure he was putting on the guy he loved so much and was acting so selfishly but at the same time, he was hurt that Brock felt the same way and that if Ryan wasn’t so late, by just a few months, he would be in Brian’s spot with Brock. And that is really what broke him down, know he was late and doomed to deal with another heart break, but he refused to cry, at least in front of Brock.

_Maybe you're right, I don't think I'll ever get it, love is making me blind_  
_Picking up the phone, then I'm putting it down_  
_Like who am I to go ruin the happiness that you found?_

Once again all alone in his apartment, staring at his phone, looking at all the photo he and Brock had before he had to go and fuck it all up, as he would put it. He had to mess up the one time he was truly happy and all because of his stupid heart. Curled up, phone in hand, he made his way to Brock’s contact about to call, before throwing his phone away from him, remembering that the newlywed were on their honeymoon and who was Ryan to sour up the one day he could at least leave said love interest alone. Now he was back to staring at his empty room, heart squeezing as he thinks of all that Brian was doing to Brock, all the things he could be doing but wasn’t.

_I kept going to tell my friends that it was all so dumb_  
_Then I'm writing in my room until my heart goes numb_  
_Till my pens all done, you know my heart wants more_

Jonathan was the first to ask what is up with Ryan, why that he was was always in his house. All he would say was that it was a stupid fantasy he was trying to live and at some point in that conversation, he understood that Ryan has fallen in love with someone who already belongs to someone else. One sided or not, there was nothing Ryan could do and Jonathan understood that but wished he could help his friend but Ryan refused, hanging up and going back to the project at hand, the poems he was writing that seemed to never end, no matter how much his hands hurt. Some papers would have tear blotches from the nights where his feelings got the best of him, and those were the poems filled with self-hatred to himself for being so late on entering into Brock’s life.

 _Let's break it in pieces all again once more_  
_You can tell me that I'm wasting all my time_  
_But I've been looking for a sign, and I've been finding it in you_

It was a new month, a whole month since Brock got married and Ryan is still in love with him and doesn’t seem to be falling out anytime soon. A month since his heart has been broken and him trying to piece it back together but failing miserably every time he looked at that male that seemed to cause all of this. As much as he tried to stop but all he could see when he looked at the shorter was that he was all Ryan was looking for, and the voice of Brock saying that he was wasting his time, that it was a game with no end but also without a beginning, a game with no victors.

_And you can tell me he was there first, you can say you fell for him first_  
_He'll never look at you the way I look at you_

Ryan finally manned up to go and talk to Brock, even after all that happened but he cringed at the wedding ring that he was scoring and looked up at him “Brock, I know I’m too late but I just want you to know, he will never look at you like I looked at you. I might not be happy with myself, but I’m happy for you” and he said that all with a smile everything he had because he wished he didn’t have to be the one saying this, that he wasn’t the one crying over someone he couldn’t have but this is how he had to live it and this is how he is going to deal with it, with a fake smile, “fake it till you make it” was his new motto.

_You left a hole in my chest that I don't think I can fill_  
_It's like we met in a dream, but the feeling is real_  
_And I can write a thousand lines, all the stars could align_  
_What's all the love in the world if you find it at the wrong time?_

Though time went one, Brock and Brian stayed together, Ryan dated here and there but in the end, his feelings stayed in tac. ‘What’s the use finding your true love if they are taken?’ he thought to himself as he looked down at his coffee, it taking bitter no matter how much sugar he put in it, no matter what he did to it, the coffee remained bitter. It was like the coffee was till him that his whole life is going to be bitter and he isn’t shocked because with all the failed relationships, maybe it was just his luck to find Brock, the apple to his eye, and find out he’s taken. He hadn’t felt this way since his first two love because after the first two, he learned that true love was a fantasy and Brock was never to be his.

_And maybe someday it's me and you_  
_But right now I can't seem to feel it too_  
_You're on my mind, I know it hurts, it's just not our time_

It was time that Ryan moved again, to get away from his source of pain, to move on and be happy like Brock is because he knows that their time has come and passed but he was a little too late. He was at the airport when he texted Brock to meet him here and to not question it and that’s what Brock did. Ryan didn’t expect Brock to be in tears when he saw Ryan will all his luggage. With a heartbroken smile, Ryan said his goodbyes only for Brock to pull him into a short kiss, leaving Ryan breathless before he heard the other talk, ending his trance-like state, “I know you’re doing this for your- our good but I need you to know, you’re always on my mind and yeah, I wish you came to be before Brian did, but I love him too. Maybe not in this timeline but in another, I will be yours and you’ll be mine but right now, it’s just _not our time_ ”

It wasn’t till 5 years later that Ryan went back to find Brock and Brian still together, he didn’t know what he expected, he felt the feeling coming back and he knew that he would never be over Brock, for he was his true love and as much as it hurt Ryan, he would have dated someone else, a new person every year, putting up a front as Brock acted as if nothing happened between them. If he was honest, that is what hurt Ryan the most, not that his feelings were rejected but that Brock forgot about their time together but he learned that true love was never to make you happy but it was to teach you, that it was never meant to be, even if you think it is, you will never truly love someone as much as you do when you meet the one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! Please leave advice or send things to my tumblr at thotcurse or thotswriting


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